The Path to Redemption
by SlytherclawQueen
Summary: Jane shifted slightly, obviously uneasy, but she wasn't afraid. She matched his stare, calculating VS unyielding. Loki found it intriguing how her stare didn't match the uncertainty of her words. Which one was truly her, he wondered, and which was the mask?"Can I trust you, Jane Foster?" "No...Because I can't trust you." If remorse wasn't the key to his redemption than what was?
1. Chapter 1

_I'm really trying to get back into writing. Between mental health, jobs, moving, and middle age, it's been difficult to sit long enough to write. I've been working on this for some time and am ready to try and get back into the game, so please review and let me know if this is worth continuing. The more confirmation I get the more excited I'll be to write and get this story completed. I'm happy with it though._

 **What you need to know is the second Thor movie NEVER happened. This is years after the first movie, SHEILD has fallen and this will be a version of Jane you have probably never seen before. Enjoy.**

* * *

 _The Path to Redemption_

Prologue

 _ **Hell is yourself, and the only redemption is when a person puts aside himself to feel deeply for another."**_

The chains were deafening in his ears as they clattered together, echoing around him like mocking laugher. Now that the scepter wasn't near him and he's been locked away for what seemed like an eternity, he found his mind clear once more. The rage, the hate, the jealousy; everything that used to burn him from the inside out until he couldn't bare it anymore was now absent.

All that remained was bitter acceptance that this was what he was destined to be –a shell of a being he didn't know anymore. How pitiful, and yet the poetic, morbid twist wasn't lost on him.

Had he ever truly _known_ who he was?

He was Loki, Prince of Asgard.

He was Loki, The God of Mischief and Lies.

He was Loki, The Frost Giant Bastard Child.

He was Loki, _The Monster_.

He supposed he was all of those things, at one time or another.

He was so foolish to think that the mind stone wasn't powerful enough to influence and manipulate him.

He was the rightful king of Asgard, the master manipulator!

Surely no such jewel would be powerful enough.

And yet he raved the words of a mad man, choosing brute force over careful planning and strategic maneuvers. He was no saint, but did they not see that he was not himself? He was not the type to be so honest and open about his motives.

They didn't know, they accepted his actions so easily, and so he didn't correct them.

Perhaps his half attempt to kill Thor when he was cast out so he could take over the throne was why they thought so little of him.

Only his mother seemed to know better, the only one that he couldn't break attachment with, not even in his own mind. She visited him and brought him books, even playing chess when she could spare the time. She didn't fear the punishment, that Queen or not, was promised to those that might try to help the King of Asgard's greatest disappoint.

Not even Thor came to see him despite his claims to love him like a brother still.

Of course, word in the prison cells is that Thor married Lady Sif and they're expecting.

He couldn't help but wonder about the mortal woman Thor claimed to be devoted to whom he obviously abandoned.

Loki could see a pattern there, and it was glaringly hypocritical.

As the guards pulled him to a brutal halt, the muzzle around his mouth cutting into his skin, he looked up to meet the foreboding eye of Odin, the All Father himself. Loki didn't flinch from his gaze as he once had as a child.

Odin, in all his wisdom, seemed taken back as if expecting Loki to shrivel at his feet like a peasant. He didn't blink, didn't shift his stance; he merely stood there shackled from head to toe, covered in dirt and grime, and looking worst for wear.

The other prisoners were treated better than he, getting fresh clothes every few days and decent meals, but he expected nothing less. He was mainly disregarded, only taken care of by the Queen against her husband's wishes.

Any desire he had for the All Fathers love and acceptance was long gone, replaced with indifference instead.

"Loki," Odin's deep voice boomed despite the soft tone, "I see you haven't lost your arrogance. Do you still blame me for your own monstrous actions? I'd hoped you'd gain some humility."

No response.

Loki would not give him the satisfaction of responding with his eyes as he would so often do in his younger years. Whereas his vibrant green orbs used to twinkle with secrets, a tell sign of the trouble in the horizon he was bound to cause, they were now cool and detached.

Apathetic.

Of all the words used to describe Loki that was never one of them.

Odin sighed and appeared to slump ever so slightly in his throne. Loki couldn't help but take in how weary and aged the King looked. It wouldn't be long before Thor took the throne.

 _Joy_.

The muzzle on Loki's mouth evaporated, exposing the raw skin underneath that was already starting to heal itself. He straightened his posture, and narrowed his eyes as his quick mind realized that this time Odin wasn't toying with him.

Something was going to _finally_ happen.

"Loki, do you truly feel no remorse for your actions? I hoped isolation from those who love you would do you some good. Only through remorse will you find redemption."

Loki could have laughed, but instead his lips turned up ever so slightly.

Those who claimed to love him knew nothing of him. It was draining and pointless. They would never understand or believe a word he said, so any declaration of love fell on deaf ears.

Loki stepped forward, his head cocked. "You speak of remorse, King of Asgard, but do you feel regret? Do you feel bone wrenching sorrow for the deaths at your weathered hands? Do you dream of the souls you took, seeing the light draining from their eyes as Death claimed them? Do _you_?"

Loki didn't plan to give Odin the satisfaction of a reaction, but if he was going to die than he wasn't going to go quietly.

His voice was calm, a cold furry that had Odin straightening in his seat at once. That was almost enough to make Loki smile.

"You speak as if you know me," he continued in a low tone, the storm brewing in his eyes making it all the more alarming, "but you don't know me any better than you know the servants that clean your quarters and make your meals. You so easily accepted me as a mass murderer without all the facts, as if relieved to be rid of me as your so called son. Save your judgments and get on with the meaning of me being here."

At this Odin stood and stepped down from his throne with unhurried measured steps. He stopped a foot from Loki and looked at him as if he was seeing him for the first time, his mouth slightly open and his one eye showing clear anguish.

"Loki," Odin nearly whispered, "regardless of the whys, you committed hideous crimes that will never be forgiven by the people of Asgard. You massacred thousands; I can't let that go without punishment. Please understand that."

Loki furrowed his brows. "You speak as if being treated like an animal in the bloody dungeons isn't my punishment. I go for days without food or water and haven't been allowed to bathe in weeks."

Odin didn't immediately respond, confirming Loki's previous suspicions. This time he did laugh. He had never heard a more broken sound.

"What is it then, am I to die?" He spat. "I can assure you that I am not afraid of Death."

Such was proven when Loki flung himself off the bifrost, Odin's rejection too much to bare for his bleeding and conflicted soul. That was the catalyst that led him to his fate.

The man Loki looked up to as a child merely shook his head, his one good eye full of pity and sorrow, but no regret.

"No Loki, your punishment is much worst. You will be powerless, like the ones you once compared to insects beneath your boot. You will be truly alone; damaged and vulnerable in a world you don't understand. You will _truly_ suffer."

As if on cue the golden floors began to shake, the rattle almost enough to make Loki lose his footing.

"You will be cursed with an existence you can't break free from, not until you truly learn. Only then will the curse be broken and you may finally know peace."

Loki couldn't hide his terror as a bright blue light erupted from the floor beneath him, burning him like fire licking his skin. The chains seemed to melt right off him, vanishing into thin air. The scream that left his mouth was one of pure torment as he collapsed on the ground, gripping his chest which felt as if someone was carving into it with a dull knife.

Still, the pain was nothing compared to the storm that raged inside him day in and day out of his pathetic existence.

"Loki, you are hereby cast out of Asgard, never to return. You have put great shame on this family, and you are my greatest disappointment. Your name will not be uttered inside these walls, and one day you will be forgotten by those who once called you family or friend."

Loki wanted to block out Odin's words, but despite his screaming and thrashing on the ground, despite not being able to see anything but burning blue, he couldn't drown him out.

"But I shall leave you with a few words to hopefully guide you to your redemption. Until you feel what you've never felt, peace will not be granted to you. Goodbye."

With a bright flash of light Loki was gone, the room eerily quiet and somehow colder without him there.

Odin didn't remove his eye from the spot on the floor where Loki was only seconds ago, his youngest son's screams still echoing in his head and cutting deep wounds into his heart.

This was the price of being King.

"Do you think Mother will ever forgive us?"

Thor.

Already he was starting to bear the weight of what his title was soon to be.

Odin finally glanced at his oldest, taking in his sagged shoulders and tear stained face as he too stared at the spot Loki had once occupied. He watched…and Odin had let him.

He needed to know the burden of who they were. There was no better way to teach him than with his own brother.

"In time, perhaps," he mused softly, knowing full well his Frigga was never going to excuse him. She was compassionate at her best, a trait Thor picked up, and vengeful at her worst, a trait Loki unfortunately gained.

She was always softer on Loki, visiting him in his cell though Odin pretended not to know. She appeared to understand him much better than himself and Thor, but as long as he had her coddling him Loki was never going to truly be saved.

He thought himself at his lowest, but Odin saw in their brief interaction that Loki was far from redemption.

"Mother will loathe me when she knows it was my idea," Thor continued after a moment.

"She mustn't know my son. I will take the blame as it was I that decided this was the right actions to take. Go be with your wife. Lady Sif needs you and you must focus on her and your soon to be child."

Thor sighed and wiped his eyes before turning around and heading back the way he came, his shoulder rising for he knows better than to let others see his pain. Odin didn't turn to watch him go, instead keeping his eye on the floor where he could see a slightly darker spot staining the otherwise pristine gold.

He gave Loki the answer to being his own savior. He only hoped his youngest prevailed and was capable of doing what needed to be done before the suffering truly began.

He didn't think Loki was capable truth be told, and perhaps him agreeing to Thor's suggestion was truly cruel.

But Odin the All Father had never understood his adopted son. If he did than he'd have known that feeling remorse was not to be the key to Loki's redemption and self peace.

He may have been the All Father, but he wasn't all knowing.

Frigga however, who watched from her enchanted mirror relic her husband knew nothing of, knew what it was her son needed to be released from her husband's cruel game.

She was going to make sure he succeeds.

Loki had suffered enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to those who reviewed and are following this story. If it gathers a large enough following than updates will start to become more frequent. This chapter will explain more of what's happened since Loki was brought to Asgard and what's become of Jane. Enjoy:**

* * *

 **Chapter One**

Waking up was always a painful, sluggish, terrible experience.

She groaned as the blaring alarm threatened to split her aching head in half. Blindly she reached for the alarm, accidently knocking it down and completely out-of-reach.

She hid underneath her pillows and blanket, trying to drown out the screeching that seemed to be getting louder by the second.

"Fine universe, I'm up!" she grumbled, nearly falling back as blackness took over her vision.

At least she was up. The universe better be happy.

With a sigh she grabbed the bottle of water and pain relievers beside her bed, popping the pills in her mouth and downing the whole bottle of water before finally trusting herself to stand.

She stumbled to the bathroom, flinching when the light burned her eyes. After a moment she adjusted and started the shower, only turning on the cold water. Slowly she removed her clothes which were the clothes she wore the day before, before stepping in.

She began to shiver almost instantly, but the cool water was doing its job of waking her up and making her foggy brain more alert. Only then did she turn on the hot water and allow herself to bask in the warmth after being drenched in freezing cold water.

Slowly she stepped out of the tub, wrapping her long hair in a towel and grabbing another one for her body.

She began to dress in a pair of black slacks and a white button down shirt with a black blazer. She hated the formal attire she was required to wear and longed for the days where she could wear whatever she wanted.

With a sigh she pinned her hair back with a clip, all the while avoiding the mirror. She became an expert at putting up her hair without looking over the years. Either way, she didn't really care if it was a little messy.

She left her small bedroom and entered her kitchen, grabbing a cereal bar before leaving her apartment.

She hummed to the radio, enjoying the wind on her face as she drove with the windows rolled down. This was the better part of her day. When the Sun was out she was okay, it was when the Sun went down…

Seeing a large building in the distance, she slowed, arriving to the gate where she flashed her badge before continuing on. She pulled into the parking garage, feeling oddly light as she made her way into the building.

She nodded to a few of her co-workers as she made her way to her department.

After SHIELD fell Jane was able to get a job with NASA of all things. She enjoyed it, for a while at least, but she didn't feel the same about being an astrophysicist like she used to. The pay was good even though she still chose a small apartment. Washington DC was expensive, and she had never been one that needed grand things.

"Well, if it isn't the lovely Jane Foster, a true sight for sore eyes."

She sat down at her desk as she glanced at her coworker, not able to hide the frown on her face as she watched the tall man coming towards her.

It was no secret that he was interested in her. He had only asked her out over a thousand times within the last five years, but she didn't have it in her to be interested in anyone anymore.

Besides, he was a blonde.

As the clueless man babbled on, putting papers on her desk while she continued to block him out, she mentally prepared herself for another day in paradise.

* * *

In school Jane Foster was never one to get called to the principal's office, so when she was told to go meet with her department head she instantly became a bundle of nerves. She hurriedly rushed across the floor, getting strange looks as she went.

Dr. Janice Woodley was a stern and very strict woman that's never looked at Jane twice despite her past that helped her get the job.

This could be nothing good.

Jane knocked on the cracked door before entering the office that was the size of her entire apartment and decorated in cherry wood.

Dr. Woodley sat confidently at her desk, her dark hands folded before her as she watched a very nervous Jane enter the room.

"You may sit, Dr. Foster."

She pretended to not notice the amused smile on the older woman's face as Jane hurried towards the chair across from the desk.

No matter how old she became she was destined to always be awkward apparently.

"I know I haven't been getting much sleep lately, but I've been making sure it doesn't affect my work. Sometimes I'm even the last to leave," Jane quickly got out, causing the woman in front of her to chuckle.

"Relax, you're not in trouble."

Like a sack of potato's Jane sagged in her seat, relieved that her inner struggles wasn't interfering too badly with her work.

"NASA has no shortage of workaholics, but you haven't taken a vacation once since you've been here. Unfortunately there's a change of policies that won't allow you to continue to sneak in when you're supposed to be on vacation."

Jane's face turned beat red, but Dr. Woodley only seemed entertained.

"I don't need a vacation. I like work," she responded after a moment of silence.

"I'm no psychologist, but it sounds to me like you're running from something."

The red that was previously staining Jane's cheeks drained. "No, I just like work."

Her voice was small and not very convincing, but she mentally begged Dr. Woodley to let it go. She couldn't handle talking about… _that_.

"Of course," Dr. Woodley said after a moment before looking at her computer screen. "As of tomorrow, you are on vacation for the remainder of the month. If anything pop's up that needs your expertise we'll give you call. And don't think you'll be allowed in before your vacation is over. Usage of your badge will alert me. You can go."

Jane blinked, the panic starting to twist in her chest at the thought of not being able to throw herself into her work. Without another word she stood up and walked out of the office. She continued past her desk, ignoring Dr. Jones as he tried and failed to get her attention.

She _really_ hated his blonde hair.

She left the building, peeling away a little too quickly in her car as tears began to cloud her vision. She must have driven for a few hours before she realized she was outside the city limits.

Spotting a park on the right she pulled over, biting her lip as she sighed deeply and leaned back into her seat.

She was a mess.

She had no friends, no family, nothing; all she had was her job and now she wasn't going to have that for weeks. What was she going to do?

She ripped off her blazer and stepped out of the car, letting down her hair even though she was sure her hair was wild. It was a cool day, the crisp wind feeling great against her flushed skin.

She began to walk, enjoying the quiet park and not being trapped inside a musky building.

She could find hobbies or something. Maybe she could finally read the Lord of The Rings books Darcy had given her…

At the thought of her old intern tears entered Jane's eyes again. It had been a good two years before Darcy gave up trying to contact her. Jane missed her, and yet she still pushed her away.

Darcy wouldn't know what to make of her. Not anymore.

She changed, and not for the better it seemed.

A squeal of alarm left Jane's lips as she fell to her knees, a loud rumble shaking the ground and scaring the living crap out of her. Her eyes were wide at what she saw in the distance, a large and familiar funnel cloud.

Unease swirled in her chest first, followed by understanding. Tears entered her eyes as her mind struggled to process that maybe…just maybe…

"No way," she whispered.

Without another thought she was running straight into the woods, pushing past tree branches and ignoring the cuts she was getting on her arms and face. Her chest was heaving up and down, tears falling freely down her cheeks as excitement and hope blossomed in her heart for the first time in years.

She had thought…he had said…maybe he changed his mind?

The bond they had was transcendent; beyond duty and expectations. That was what she told him before he shattered her to pieces. She was right, she _knew_ she was right. He just needed time to see that.

She broke through the clearing, her eyes scanning the crater…

"Oh," she mumble, her excited face falling as she examined pale skin coated in dirt, dark oily hair, and inquisitive green eyes. The complete opposite of what she was expecting.

She felt her heart shatter all over again.

A beat passed.

The man smiled.

* * *

The Queen of Asgard had more tricks up her sleeve than the All Father knew, so when Loki opened his eyes, his entire body aching as he struggled to breathe, he wasn't surprised to see her standing before him.

Of course, it wasn't _really_ her, but a projection of her in his mind instead.

"My son, you must listen to me for I can't stay long," she said as she knelt before him, her blue eyes showing her upset. "I have made sure that what you need to lift the curse placed upon you will find you within 24 hours. See it through and remain open minded."

"How foreboding," Loki mumbled, raising a brow.

Had Frigga really of been there he would have earned a slap on the arm, but since she was only in his mind the best she could do was fix him with a stern look that had caused many lesser men to back down.

Not Loki who only leered in response.

Frigga sighed and physically softened as she looked over her youngest, her beautiful face tired and full of trepidation for the events to come. She reached out a hand, but stopped midway before letting it fall.

"Stay strong," she said after a moment, and then she was gone with a slight shimmer.

Loki didn't need to look around to know he was in Midguard. Of course he would be sent here. He tried to enslave their entire race after all, and it was no secret that he thought little of humans.

Odin was predictable at best.

With a deep sigh Loki closed his eyes and settled against a hard rock. His body ached, more than it should have. No doubt due to the so called curse that's been placed upon him.

It didn't take him long to know his magic was gone, stripped away and leaving him with no way to defend himself other than his own two hands. He wasn't surprised that Odin would send him to a realm where their defenders would kill him at first sight.

He needed to get far away from where he was before they came to see what caused the disturbance.

As if on cue loud rustling to his right drew him out of his thoughts as he relaxed further on the rock. He doubted it would be anyone threatening considering the amount of ruckus they were causing. He pinned it as an innocent bystander in the surrounding area, curious to see what was going on.

And so he patiently waited for only a few seconds more as a girl- no a woman- nearly fell out of the tree line, stumbling forward before catching herself at the last second.

Loki's dark brows rose as he looked her over, taking in wild hair and stricken brown eyes that were blood shot. The woman's face was a little gaunt, and her skin had a pallid tint. Her clothes looked much too professional for her to be running around in the woods, but it showcased her thin form.

All of those things was why it took Loki a second too long to realize that he'd seen this woman before, briefly, but he never forgot a face.

Especially not when it was someone he could use against his brother to cause him pain.

Of course, Loki no longer cared for vengeance, and he didn't exactly go looking for Jane Foster the last time he was in Midguard.

He smiled, slow and wicked.

What irony it is that the human his brother callously left behind was the one to find him… Loki did always find delight in all things sardonic, and he couldn't help but feel giddy knowing that while Thor prepared himself to take over as King with Lady Sif, Loki would be with the human who he fell for and fell for him in return before he tore her to pieces; a thousand pieces judging by her appearance.

Of course his ever virtuous brother, prone to impulse and plain stupidity, didn't realize he would harm the human girl like he did.

Loki was much more knowledgeable on what to say to hurt someone, and what to say to ease them into their despair so they don't feel the fall.

It was safe to say that Jane Foster felt the fall and never managed to quite pick herself back up.

How _so_ very interesting.

"I…I thought you…I know you, well of you. I saw you on TV," she babbled, her voice soft and poignant.

Loki's smile dropped slightly, his eyes becoming calculating.

Jane shifted slightly, obviously uneasy, but she wasn't afraid. She matched his stare, calculating VS unyielding. Loki found it intriguing how her stare didn't match the uncertainty of her words.

Which one was truly her, he wondered, and which was the mask?

"Yes, I am Loki of Asgard," he said after a moment.

Jane's eyes widened slightly at the soft, deep undertone of his voice. Somehow she expected it to be more…well, demanding.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned, more out of curiosity than anything.

The last she heard of Loki he was being sent away and was to never return, and yet here he was, filthy and motionless other than his head inside of a giant crater back on Earth.

Loki seemed to ponder this for a moment before looking up at the darkening blue sky. "I have been banished," he said absentmindedly.

"What?" Jane blurted, her eyes glancing to the sky before falling back to him. He was obviously debating something if she was reading the slight narrowing of his eyes correctly, but other than that he showed no expression.

A breeze glided through the clearing, causing Jane to shiver slightly and her hair to blow in her face. Once her hair was no longer obstructing her view she found piercing green eyes on her, causing a shiver to shoot down her spine.

"Can I trust you, Jane Foster?"

His words were slow and deliberate, eyes piercing as he stared deep down into her tormented heart. She swallowed the lump in her throat and crossed her arms, a physical barrier between the two of them.

"No."

Her answer didn't seem to surprise or disappoint him. If anything he seemed pleased, his eyes lighting up with something she didn't understand.

"May I ask why?"

She furrowed her brow at his question, finding it odd that he had to ask that.

"Because I can't trust _you_."

His smile was deliberate and eyes cunning as he hummed deep in his throat.

This was seriously the most unreal thing Jane had gone through in a long time. She felt off balance and confused by the demi-god that was so far nothing like how she pictured him to be.

He didn't seem unhinged or homicidal like the last time he was on Earth. He was quiet and speculative and perhaps a little mischievous (which was in his title after all), but he was…different.

There seemed to be a quiet calm around him, an acceptance of where he was. He didn't appear to care that he was cast out of Asgard.

"Such smart words from one so young," he mused before turning his attention back to her. "Perhaps a trade of information will be the best route."

Jane thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "We should go elsewhere then. It's starting to get dark out."

If her words surprised him he didn't show it as he pulled himself to his feet and began to climb out of the crater. Jane stepped back and watched his graceful movements in amazement despite the grimace on his face.

She didn't even take in the fact that he might have been hurt.

He rolled his shoulders and popped his neck before looking at her expectedly, towering over her as he kept his head straight and looked down at her with only his eyes.

Pursing her lips she turned back into the woods, not even looking back to see if he was following. She found it odd that he would choose to walk instead of using his magic or whatever, but Jane figured she'd find out soon enough.

He looked rough, his clothes loose and dirty and hair well passed his shoulder. He obviously had a story to tell.

By the time they broke the clearing the Sun was almost down.

Jane really had driven far from home. It would be well into the night before they made it, and regardless of the shithole that her apartment was, she had plenty of money saved.

With a plan set, she got into her gray Toyota Corolla and cranked it up. She held in her laughter as Loki slid into the passenger seat, obviously uncomfortable by the small closed in space.

She rolled down their windows as she made her way further into the closest town, looking for a clothing store. After twenty minutes of uncomfortable silence she found a Walmart and turned into the parking lot without a thought.

"I'll be back. You need proper clothes," she said as she parked after looking him over.

She was out of the car before he could respond.

She grabbed a package of black t-shirts, gray sweatpants, and socks. He didn't strike her as a colorful person, so she kept it simple as she grabbed sneakers she hoped would fit and a hat to hopefully help him go unnoticed. Her cheeks were burning bright red as she grabbed boxer briefs before turning on her heel, paying, and making her way to the car.

He was how she left him, eyes wide open as if he were expecting enemies to jump from the shadows. She entered the car and ignored when she felt his eyes settle on her.

"Next stop, find a hotel," she murmured more to herself than to him.

"Is this not where you live?" he questioned as she turned back onto the main road.

She sighed. "No, my work made me take a vacation so I started driving in a random direction which led me here."

She didn't think anything of his silence, but had she glanced at him she would have seen the knowing glint in his eye and the tight smile on his face as a piece of the puzzle clicked into place.

Unaware of her companion's scrutiny of her, she pulled into the nearest hotel and went inside to check availability. Not too long after, they were sneaking in through a side entrance, so reception wouldn't see him and entering their room.

It was a standard room with two queen beds and a decent sized TV. Jane sat the bags on the floor before she turned her attention to Loki.

He glanced around the room, his displeasure evident by his slight frown. He was nearly pouting. She hid her smile by getting his things out of the bag and laying them all out on the bed for him to see.

She guessed his size, but at least it was clean clothes.

"I say lets shower and change and get some food before we exchange information," Jane said as he walked towards her to see what she got him.

His face was impassive as he grabbed the clothes and made his way into the bathroom. Ignoring his sulky behavior she ordered pizza and examined the grey and purple bedspread and light tan walls. It didn't really match but it wasn't that bad compared to her apartment.

She turned the TV on, leaving it on the news as she listened to the water run. She laid back on her chosen bed and rubbed her eyes, feeling the exhaustion of her body while her mind buzzed in a way it hadn't in a very long time.

What a strange turn of events.

The knock on the door had her jumping up in anticipation. She was starving after so long without a decent meal. The bathroom door opened just as she reentered the room, the smell of soap hitting her nose pleasantly.

She sat the pizza down before turning her attention to Loki who was still standing in the bathroom doorway. Her mouth dropped open as she looked him up and down, taking in is messy black hair, the black t-shirt that showcased his lean body, and the sweat pants that hung low.

Oh Jesus Christ, she was gawking…

"I have pizza!" she announced with more vigor than was natural.

She ignored the amused glint in his eye as he approached her, going towards the other bed and sitting down stiffly.

He looked awkward and yet didn't seem to mind the turn of events all at the same time. Jane had a feeling that his brain was a maze full of contradictions.

She grabbed herself a piece of pizza and mirrored him on the opposite bed. They remained silent as she ate alone, both in their own thoughts before she felt herself burning.

She turned her eyes to him and saw him staring at her intently. "What has changed in this world since I was last here?"

Jane swallowed the food in her mouth before thinking over his question and choosing what would affect him the most. "SHEILD doesn't really exist anymore. I think there's still an organization working in the dark and they're trying to rebuild, but it's different now." She didn't miss the dark look and slight upturn of his lips. Obviously she went right to the root of his concerns. "The Avengers still exist, but they mainly work separately."

Loki nodded, satisfied with the information she provided thus far.

"Why were you cast out of Asgard?"

Loki's stare was cool as he regarded her. "I was a prisoner for many years. They decided it was time for a change of tactics and sent me here to find my redemption."

"Will they let you go back if you find your redemption?" she asked, her confusion evident by the furrow of her brow.

"No."

"Then…why?" Jane pressed further.

Loki tilted his head, but didn't offer up any more information.

"Did they…take away your magic and make you like a human?"

Green eyes became heavy lidded at her question. She immediately regretted asking, his distaste for humans no secret. She fidgeted in her spot, her eyes watching his every move as he watched her every move in return, him seeing much more.

"I believe I have already answered two questions, the third will have to wait till after mine."

Jane blinked in surprise at his berating tone, his eyes playful as he teased her. He had to be the most puzzling person she had ever had met.

"Since you are no longer with SHEILD, what have you been doing instead?"

Her mouthed opened slightly at the unexpected question. "Um," she murmured after a moment. "I work for NASA now and work with their other astrophysicist. I guess one good thing came from my time with SHEILD…Now my question, did they take your magic?"

He remained quiet for so long that Jane didn't think he was going to answer until a, "Yes," interrupted the silence.

"Oh," she whispered as she took that information in, her eyes darting back and forth between his.

He seemed to be having a hard time being honest with her, but he was telling her anyway and Jane couldn't understand why. His gaze was steady as he watched her actions and reactions. She wasn't sure what it was he saw, and what it was he was looking for.

"Jane Foster…" he murmured to himself, his tone low and like velvet. "Of all the mortals to find me…"

Jane's mouth dropped open, her mind clouded by green so deep it was like being lost in a flourishing rain forest. She had the feeling like she may have been missing something, something important about Loki's punishment, but she found no more words willing to form in coherent sentences.

There was one thought, a thought so fast and yet so powerful that she found her mouth opening and the words forming before she had the chance to truly think about it. This was the last thing she needed. This was probably going to be the thing that breaks her completely and yet…

"I would like you to stay with me…since you have nowhere to go and no identity. I mean…until you know what you need to do and…I mean only if you want to."

Surely he would say no to that. He hated her because of what she was. He was thrown from Asgard because he was a crazy villain. He tried to rule over them. He brain washed her mentor and friend. He was a liar and she couldn't trust him. Even with no magic he knew a thousand ways to hurt and kill her.

"You would do that knowing who I am and what I've done?"

She used to operate like everyone else. She knew what was right and what was wrong, she felt it in her heart, but…

"I've learned that the world is not black and white, but seas of gray instead," she nearly whispered. His eyes sharpened, but he didn't interrupt. "Those who have claimed to be good create the most damage, and those who have done wrong and even the most terrible things have ability to do great things. It's not as simple as good and evil."

She sat down her pizza, no longer hungry as her mind jumped to the exact moment her very foundation was shaken. Jane back then would have slapped Loki in the face and wouldn't have cared what became of him. This Jane…. the Jane that was forced to piece herself back together with sharp edges and glue, was so messed up that she was helping a murderer, someone she should have hated.

Her chuckle was as dry as it was pained.

"He is a fool."

Jane jumped and looked up from her lap. She had forgotten she wasn't alone and that her company was the brother, adopted or not, of the very person that shattered her into tiny little sharp edges.

"He has his reasons…" Jane started, but with the dangerous narrowing in Loki's eyes she fell silent.

"Do you wish to know the truth as to why Thor abandoned you?"

Jane's breath hitched, her eyes flickering over Loki's sharp feature and sharper eyes that observed her unblinkingly.

Thor…abandoned….Thor….abandoned….Thor….abandoned….Thor…

Inside her chest her heart thundered and pulse raced as she stared at Loki, unsure of what she must have looked like in that moment. Of what she must have looked like to him even though he was the one that had been imprisoned.

They were both prisoners in a way…

She was breathing too fast, she realized, her gasps like a booming drum in her head.

Loki frowned, his eyes harboring an emotion she couldn't understand.

"So much heartbreak and pain caused by a hotheaded imbecile," he murmured. "Now is not the time to continue this conversation, Jane Foster. Perhaps when his name can be said without you having a panic attack..."

Whatever he continued to say after that was lost on deaf ears as her vision began to blacken at the edges, her heaving reaching its peak as she began to lose consciousness from the lack of air.

Oh god, was this how she was going to die?

She screamed as something stung the entire front of her body, like little needles piercing her skin repeatedly. She felt sick, so sick; she felt nauseous all the time and…the physical pain was nothing compared to the chaos in her head.

Slowly she opened her eyes and force them to stay open despite the stinging of the lights. She didn't know how long she stayed laying in the bathtub, the shower beating down on her with ice cold water, but for the first time in years her mind was blank.

How odd.

She heard a sigh and slowly turned to see green eyes watching her from across the bathroom. Loki was sitting with one knee up and an arm draped across it. She expected to see disgust or annoyance, but his expression was completely blank.

His eyes however were dull and unfocused. She wasn't sure what that meant.

Jane wasn't ready to get out of the tub. She didn't want to face the shame and embarrassment that was waiting for her, for at that exact moment Loki came back from wherever his mind went and was looking at her expectantly, a brow raised.

As she set up she felt a wave of despair slam against her like a tidal wave, but she turned off the shower and stood anyway. Loki mirrored her and left the bathroom, closing it behind him without a word. She lifted her eyes and spotted the clothes sitting on the toilet, clothes that she had bought for Loki. With a shaky hand she changed, her body shivering from the ice that became her very blood.

She wrapped up her hair in a towel and left the bathroom, keeping her eyes down as she headed towards her bed. She turned off the lamp and crawled into inside to try and warm up. All she could hear was the dim sound of the TV, but she kept her back to the other bed, unsure if Loki was even still there but too ashamed to look and see.

She wouldn't blame him if he left. They all do…sooner or later.


End file.
